I am outraged by the recent decision of some Essex pubs to start charging patrons a deposit on ashtrays. This is nothing more than a thinly-veiled attempt to discourage people from smoking, and it is completely unacceptable.

First of all, let me just say that I am not a smoker. I don’t like the smell of cigarettes, and I don’t think they’re good for your health. But I also don’t think it’s fair to punish people who do smoke by making them pay a deposit on an ashtray.

After all, smokers already have to pay a premium for cigarettes. They also have to deal with the stigma of being a smoker, and they’re often discriminated against in the workplace and in public places. Now, we’re adding another financial burden on them by making them pay a deposit on an ashtray? That’s just wrong.

Secondly, I don’t believe that this deposit scheme will actually do anything to reduce smoking. If people want to smoke, they’re going to smoke. They’re not going to be deterred by having to pay a deposit on an ashtray.

In fact, I think this deposit scheme is just going to make it more difficult for smokers to enjoy a cigarette in peace. They’re going to have to worry about finding an ashtray that they can use without having to pay a deposit, and they’re going to have to make sure that they return the ashtray in good condition so that they can get their deposit back.

This is just one more example of how the “woke” brigade is trying to control our lives. They’re always coming up with new ways to make us feel guilty about our perfectly normal activities. Well, I’m not going to let them get away with it. I’m going to keep smoking, and I’m going to keep enjoying a pint in peace.

And to all of you snowflakes who are so offended by smoking, I have just one thing to say: global warming is a bunch of nonsense. The Earth has been warming and cooling for millions of years, and it’s going to keep doing so regardless of what we do. So just relax and enjoy the warm weather. And let us smokers enjoy our cigarettes in peace.

In conclusion, I believe that the decision of some Essex pubs to start charging patrons a deposit on ashtrays is a misguided and unfair attempt to discourage people from smoking. I urge these pubs to reconsider their decision, and I encourage all smokers to continue enjoying their cigarettes in peace.