In a puzzling turn of events, Education Secretary Gillian Keegan has announced her next groundbreaking initiative: banning mobile phones in schools that were not affected by RAAC-based concrete. While the rest of the nation grapples with structural concerns, Keegan seems to be on a mission to address a problem that, well, doesn’t exist.

With more than a hundred schools shutting down due to RAAC concerns, parents and students are understandably worried about their safety. But it appears that Keegan is unfazed by these pressing issues and has decided to tackle the urgent matter of mobile phones instead.

In a recent press conference, Keegan stated, “We need to ensure that our students are focused on their education, not their screens. Mobile phones can be a distraction, and we must act swiftly to eliminate this menace from our schools.”

Now, don’t get us wrong; addressing distractions in the classroom is essential. But with crumbling school buildings making headlines, one can’t help but wonder if Keegan might be slightly out of touch with the real concerns of the education system.

“Back in my day, we didn’t have mobile phones,” said one dinosaur. “We had to focus on our studies and make do with what we had. I don’t see why kids today can’t do the same.”

Parents and teachers alike have been quick to respond. “It’s great that Keegan is taking action on something, but I’m not sure banning mobile phones is the top priority right now,” remarked one baffled parent. “Maybe she should focus on ensuring our kids have safe and structurally sound schools to attend first.”

Meanwhile, teachers are scratching their heads, trying to figure out how banning mobile phones will prevent school buildings from collapsing. “I’m all for minimizing distractions, but I think we have more pressing issues to address,” said a veteran educator.

As the nation awaits further developments in this peculiar saga, one can’t help but chuckle at the idea that while some schools are literally falling apart, the Education Secretary’s grand plan is to ban mobile phones in others. It seems that in the world of education, anything can happen, even when it defies all logic and common sense.

So, stay tuned for the next episode of “Gillian Keegan’s Education Adventures,” where she tackles the world’s most pressing issues, one mobile phone at a time.